“Tell me about yourself” is not a question it’s an order/request. You can only say that if you have the upper hand already, ie. if the person wants you to know about them for some reason.
It’s arrogant and belittling, unless you are in a position of power (like a famous interviewer). Even then it’s rude. Don’t say it unless you know the person a little already or are interviewing them and literally giving them a platform to tell the world about themselves.
The simplicity of 'tell me about yourself' is brilliant. It's all too easy to say 'what do you do?' Which presumes that the other person actually wants to talk about their work.
I've been trying to switch to 'tell me about yourself', but it's somehow harder than I thought.
Yes, Terry Gross is giving advice to be uncomfortably familiar if you try this on someone you've never seen before. She gets to do that because interviewing her is a pretense; the interviewee knows her by reputation, and she knows them by their public persona.
If you don't know the person, then yes, you have to ante up with small talk, let them warm up to you, and all the usual stuff. The point is that open-ended questions let other people drive the conversation, and it usually works better that way. Plus, you can't accidentally bring up an awkward topic if you don't choose one.
> “Tell me about yourself,” a.k.a the only icebreaker you’ll ever need
Big no-no in some parts of the world (yes, even the Western americanized world).
I remember an article on HN describing how the usual "So what do you do for a living ?" was very insensitive and an American woman had it hard striking a conversation with her husband's african dad (or something like that).
As a European I find this opener extremely aggressive, even in a friendly setting. It's the first line used by HR in a job interview. Not a pleasant way to start up a conversation.
I've been a fan of Terry Gross for years and have spent many hours enjoying her interviews, but I would not call what she does conversation. For me, conversation is a mutual thing in which two parties gradually share more of themselves. Terry's interviews are strictly one-way, and she always bristles when someone tries to make the conversation mutual. If you've listened much, you know how uncomfortable she gets when a guest asks her a question. That's just fine on the show, that's how it works, but one gets the sense that the interviewer role is her way of avoiding real connection. She's brilliant at it, and presumably it's secure for her, but there's no real relating going on, only a simulacrum. I feel like that is the secret tragedy behind the show and part of what makes it fascinating.
1) only interview people you likely already agree with
2) smugly agree with them
Next time someone says to me “Tell me about yourself...”, I’m going to say, “I really like Fresh Air with Terry Gross!”
Yea i agree with others here. In my experience people dont do well with vague questions esp with strangers. If you were asked that you may feel intruded upon or surprised / not sure how to answer the question. Same reason this question causes so much stress for interviewees - how do you select the best points, in the right conciseness? You are wondering what the other person is interested in, and you dont know shit about them. This situation is even compounded because it’s unlikely you expect this question and you know even less about the person.
The best conversation starter: Just smile and laugh!
I think starting with a compliment or a conversation about anything related with your current location, would work better. Then, take it from there
I find that a useful technique for cutting through the standard "small talk" polite answers is to ask several almost the same but slightly different questions. If people are interested in talking, they'll feel awkward responding with the same canned phrase several times, and give you some sort of hook to carry the conversation further.
In my opinion, listening to her daily, Terry's interviews are different based on whether or not she likes, or appreciates the interviewee experience. This really stuck out to me during an interview with Jay Z.
No doubt this will be the trending topic here in 3 hours. Digital communications are to communication as the trpewriter was to calligraphy.
Almost every single comment in here is critical of Terry Gross’s advice. I have to wonder, does anyone here have a 40 year career as an interviewer and millions of people tuning in to listen to them every week? In the face of uncomfortable advice it’s so easy to dig your heels in to your experience instead of thinking “maybe there’s something to learn here”.