I've had a similar experience with emotional tolls and performance at work.
I've found that having one or two trusted work friends to confide in helps immensely. They can basically act as support touchstones, even if you only talk about the topic once.
Compassion in the workplace exists, but mindreading does not. Knowing that you dont have to shoulder the burden yourself, and be reminded of that fact, can help clear the mental space we all need to do our jobs. It's not easy or perfect, but it is doable especially with practice.
As an example though, I've supported coworkers in similar straights in the past who only said as much as "I'm waiting on the results of some tests, then I might just quit my job and travel the world."
Please get all the courage you can muster and seek professional therapie.
Yes. Please don't let it get to you.
Most people think that if they get fired, they should feel shame. This couldn't be further from the truth – especially with respect to medical issues.
Note that even if you had shared this with your boss, it's likely that you would have been fired anyway (in the US). It doesn't matter that it's illegal to do so. If your boss doesn't want you, they will find a legal reason to let you go.
It's a kick in the stomach to have this happen to you. But life isn't a set of fair trials with fair judgements. Try to remember that your employer cares about one thing: turning a profit. It's not really about you.
Now, the way out of this situation is to realize that you can help turn a profit for hundreds of thousands of other companies. All you need to do is search for them.
As for whether to be upfront with your condition or conceal it, I'm not sure. It's a coin toss. Anecdotally, those that don't conceal it get paid less. (I'm not talking about your condition specifically, but medical conditions in general.)
Just find a place you can be happy at. And remember that it does exist.
I am sorry that you are struggling with this. I have no experience, but I would like to share any thoughts.
1. Having children and raising a family is a full time job.
2. If you want a family and a career, you are essentially doing two full time jobs.
3. This isn’t impossible as many people do it all around the world. The trick is to find support with family or friends or partners.
4. Infertility adds another twist to it. You have just taken on a third job. To get pregnant. And one where your reviews are not stellar.
5. I am framing this in the context of jobs and working because I am using your career as a baseline as it is clearly something you appreciate as part of your life.
6. Consider this..you have three streams right now. a. Work. b. Your personal life. c. Your infertility struggles. Do you really want them to co-mingle?
7. I wish you strength and courage. All I can suggest is to find a therapist. If that isn’t feasible, start a journal. If you feel you need feedback, make it a public blog..you can also maintain anonymity. There are in person support groups and online support groups. We are more connected than ever before and yet, we have more boundaries now.
Good luck.