I have caught myself riding the snooze - alarm clock pattern.
Its my favourite part of the day, the 'waking up in warm bed' time. When I am just barely conscious and its feels good to be in warm bed - it feel blissful. When I wake up in the morning I will hit 10min snooze, just enough to fall asleep and wake up. Just to get more of that feeling - because I know thats the only time I will get it. I am doing it for an hour on weekdays and often for hours on the weekends.
I just can't force myself out of bed, out of that state where it doesn't feel bad. I talked to people who are going through the same. Some skip work to stay in bed because they cant do it anymore. I did it few times too, and I am terrified I might slip into that state of apathy. That fear is the only thing that keeps me going, I can only hope this fear will stay.
I dont have any wisdom or advice for anyone going through this, I just wanted to vent my thoughts and say that you are not alone in this, stay strong.
Depression is a sinister downward spiral that becomes self fulfilling and all consuming. As said in the piece...
> Escaping the depression requires doing things Iâm too depressed to do.
So please, if you see yourself at the top of this abyss, reach out right away for help before that too seems like too much.
You are valuable
You are loved
You are worthy of care
Like eating an elephant, one tiny bite at a time, take a small step and celebrate it. That might be as small as sitting up or getting off the couch. Your brain doesnât want to celebrate it, but you can.
I have been on the support end and also struggled a bit with mild depression for the better part of 20 years. There are people who understand... find them and hold them close.
Hopefully you have a healthy relationship with your parents or a very close friend / partner. Lean into that and let them love you. It may require they physically get you to a doctor and that is a good thing.
One more small step to celebrate.
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Stuff like this should be banned from HN.
Reading this as a person with disability leave a bad taste in my mouth. I wonder what people like this would do if faced with a real lifelong challenge?
As someone with an invisible illness (Chrohns) this hit way too close to home.
People assume if you look fine you are fine (which is a reasonable assumption at a first pass) but there are days/weeks I feel "normal" whatever that is and days where I'm watching the clock til it's "I can reasonably go to bed now" time.
Just want to say I love the fact you're all having this open discussion without hiding behind a throwaway account. It makes me believe the subject is becoming less taboo. Let's keep that going:)
Antidepressants are just fine after you have tried everything to resolve the depression naturally. Diet, exercise, relationships, career, etc. Most often this will work.
Eventually you may need a heavier hammer. Antidepressants can do the job but they are not meant to be used for long term use. The reason is side effects, long term withdrawal/dependency, and the eventual âpoop outâ. One year should be the cut off.
Fluoxetine, for example, induces neurogenesis. This is the method of action that cures depression. Exercise can do the same thing, which is why youâll see studies of âcardio is just as effective as antidepressantsâ. Psilocybin as well.
Chronic stress will reduce your neurogenesis. There are many, many ways in this modern world to experience it.
The stigma of antidepressants needs to end. They can be very useful tools under the right circumstances.
Another thing you have to watch out for is mental illness, such as bipolar, that is not treatable with antidepressants (they can induce mania) nor any holistic method. Mood stabilizers and possibly an âantipsychoticâ will be required. Iâm bipolar and Lamotrigine has improved my world that no lifestyle change ever could. Itâs been nothing short of a miracle drug for me.
I'm not saying it's the same for everyone, but I realized over the years one of the biggest reasons for my own depression was boredom and a lack of change.
I found the 'cure' for me was to reduce the amount of possessions I own to the bare minimum, and to travel (or even move) to a new city/country. (Obviously not as feasible these days, which will hopefully soon change...)
I find going to a new place and being stimulated by new surroundings, culture, food, learning how to get around, etc. always energizes me and makes me excited.
Maybe it's just distracting myself so I don't focus on my own mortality, but isn't that what most of life is anyway?
I believe one of the best keywords for starting to address the modern epidemic of depression, inability to build relationships, excessive focus on materialist goals, and other problems is developmental trauma.
The cause for this trauma is unmet needs in the formative years of the nervous system until about 5 years. Key among them are needs for autonomy and connection. Those are in natural conflict, and have to be balanced. When those aren't met, survival strategies are developed that undermine us when we are grown up. As a result excessive focus on independence or, the other extreme, over-adaption to others make relationships hard to attain or maintain, and feelings of hopelessness ensue.
Good starting point for reading is the book: Heller, Laurence, Aline LaPierre: Healing Developmental Trauma. How Early Trauma Affects Self-Regulation, Self-Image, and the Capacity for Relationship, 2012
I wrote/drew some things about this a while ago. In my case, a big contributor to multi-decade mental health issues was an undiagnosed B-12 deficiency. SSRI's can be a godsend for many folks, but with their advent, the previous medical knowledge about other physical causes of depression went out the window. It's important for us to screen for and treat those, too.
Here are some of my pieces on this theme:
> Escaping the depression requires doing things Iâm too depressed to do.
This is the hidden danger that people who haven't experienced depression don't seem to understand.
Late to this, but to be sure: I have learned for myself that God is real, cares, life has a purpose and extends before & after this mortality, questions have answers, each person including you is of infinite worth, and you never truly have to be alone. If we learn and make good choices, things can and will be very good, better than now. Honesty and the Golden Rule are important, as is sincere prayer to God (who knows you and actually does care, and has a plan).
Your worth definitely does not depend on comparisons with what seems popular. There are permanent truths one can grasp and keep, for peace & stability amid the hard times that we all can have; even joy.
Some other ideas (not all are about dating) at: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=27637759 and my profile fwiw.
All real best wishes.
testosterone for me,
Keep the shields up from my anima.
Sometimes I wonder if a lot of depression and anxiety in western society (I say western because I donât know enough about others) is due to life just being too comfortable.
Almost all direct threats (animals, attacks, wars, etc) have been eliminated and if you donât live in a high crime area, you probably donât even have a good reason to lock your doors. If you donât have anything to survive and you donât really have anything to worry about, more trivial things take on more importance.
I was attacked/chased by a mentally ill person trying to run me down earlier this year. It was the first time in my life getting a full dose of âfight or flightâ. In the moment it was obviously unpleasant, but I found it was powerful in contextualizing things and bringing perspective. Having my complete sense of safety removed reminded me of how lucky I am to have that 99.999% of the time. It also made me recognize my own capabilities; I was very impressed with my ability to evade danger and survive a dangerous encounter I was completely unprepared for. Iâve never done sport or anything like that so I kind of thought I would be useless if ever attacked, but it turns out I can run and use obstacles in my environment pretty well.
Life is still a struggle between chaos/danger and structure/safety, but the modern world is so well-run that most people donât really experience that; any one person can drop the ball/give up and it doesnât matter, which I suspect makes it harder for people to find meaning.
Fortunately, we have many tools at our disposal to get a simulation of fight-or-flight in our daily lives without actually enduring physical assault. I really like horror films and some Googling suggests others find it helpful as well. I also find music is a good tool for regulating emotional state.
I tried everything except for medication. I was afraid i would no longer be 'myself' or that's what other people told me â or maybe that it would make the problem more real.
Anyway, I eventually took meds, and I have never felt more myself, or the person I want to be. I work, learn, socialize, live in a (relatively) clean apartment, which I leave to go outside.
It took me way too long accept that depression is not all my fault, that it's a disease, and that I needed to see a real doctor.
For those who suffer, or know those who suffer (that's probably everyone) I really recommend this lecture:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOAgplgTxfc
It's super interesting, it ties all the causes of depression together â childhood trauma, everyday experience, down to the neuron, and chemical reactions. It really helps externalize it.