You don't sound very serious about your career. I don't know you, but I speculate that you would be frustrating to work with. Who knows, though.
Anyway, none of my business. Do you have a plan for your actual retirement?
"I get that a 3 year gap looks really bad..."
Say you were a full time caregiver for an elderly relative.
Get a direct labor production worker job.
Show up every day on time and be a good employee for 90 days.
In the meantime learn what software envirionment they are in, learn it.
$$$
I don’t think you have the makings of a varsity engineer. This is the universe telling you to find something you’re actually somewhat passionate about and get a fresh start.
Your attitude and mindset is honestly what's keeping you from actually getting a job again. Your prior "experience" literally did nothing to prepare you for a modern job in software/tech. Your constant rants / posts / unwillingness to listen to others from your many many posts, is more evidence that you want something handed to you instead of actually spending time yourself learning new things that will actually get you a job. Stop using HN as your venting ground and instead work on being an adult capable of self independence.